I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Boobs are out for the taking
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
