I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
