apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
