After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
