I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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