Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
