I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
