so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
