fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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