So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
