Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
