omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
