A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
