She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
