Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
