the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
