So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
