i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
please don't ironically join a cult
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