Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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