Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
