She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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