Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
