she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
