It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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