My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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