he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
