you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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