so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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