Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
