So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
