ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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