Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
