Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
