You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
look no pants
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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