Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
