nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
