Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Terrible idea I love it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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