I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
