you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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