The maid of honor just puked.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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