Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize