I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
