Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
