We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
