Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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