I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
