I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize