i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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