whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
