I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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