sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
