So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
