That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
