I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
