Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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