mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
