The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
