I got chris browned last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
