So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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