When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
