It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
