do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
