Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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