Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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