i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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