Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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