i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
