Your tits are I can't wait for
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
as a side note pls kill me
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