:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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