Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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