I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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