So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
