I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
