Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
