Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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