i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
