Duck Duck Cougar?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
