the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
