Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
