he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
