So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
