I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
