I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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